Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Fire in the Hole

Who is it out there that likes Train's "Hey Soul Sister?"  Damn it, even just writing the title gets it stuck in my head.  I hate this song.  This song is an act of terrorism.  It's a war crime.  I had to listen to Britney Spears' "Piece of Me" on the hour, every hour when I worked at FYE (I swear, she samples a chicken in opening bars) and I would take that in a heartbeat over "H-- S--- S----"
Gizmonics Institute Does Not Endorse Torture . . . or Train

The brain-numbingly awful lyrics make me pine for the days of "Meet Virginia."  No, Train, that probably isn't Mr. Mister on the radio (stereo) because it's 2011 and Mr. Mister hasn't been relevant since 1990. They put out an album last year and they still aren't relevant, and you just sound like an asshole for even mentioning them. 

As for the tune, well, maybe it's part of Train's evil plot to take over the world.  Much like Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank, Train must have some sort of plot to make people go weak and submit to anything, anything, just to not hear that song anymore.  Worse, it's an earworm that makes me wish I had a drill to stuff through my skull.  Once I even think about the title, it's stuck in my head for days.  Not even thinking the word "bunny" to the tune of The Commish theme makes it better.

Welcome Back
This song makes me want to set myself on fire.  It makes me want to kill people. It makes me want to toss a grenade into an orphanage.  It makes me want to fire a rocket launcher into a church.  So will somebody please, please, pass a consitutional amendment to ban this song from the airwaves?  I will vote for whatever Presidental candidate removes this song from the radio.  Obama, Palin, Lobsterman, I don't care.   Just please make it end.  Please make it stop.

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