Friday, March 5, 2010

Boys on Film . . .naked ones

Male nudity, once heavily frowned upon in film, is becoming more and more acceptable.  This needs to stop.  Not because it's indecent, but because it's usually perpetrated by people who are gross, like Kevin Bacon or Jason Seigel, and can permenantly damage the fragile, budding sexuality of young people.  My first actual experience with male nudity (I grew up in a house with all sisters) was seeing Geoffrey Rush in Quills.  Mr. Rush is a handsome man, but I do not want to see his area.  The same goes for you, JK Simmons.  We'll make an exception for Chris Meloni.

That being said, I must take this time to praise the two most beautiful naked men Hollywood has ever offered us.  If you have ever doubted the existance of God, these two will prove that not only does He exist, but man is truly made in His great image.  And the fact that these two actors star in films bearing the name Adam cannot be a coincidence.

I'm talking, of course, about Ewan McGregor and Jeff Goldblum.

In Young Adam, Ewan is just lying there on the bed, smoking a cigarette, lovely cock dangling against his alabaster thigh, pillowed on a tuft of red-gold public hair.  It might be the most beautiful thing in existance.  It is the Holy Grail of wangs.  And there's an odd unsexiness too it, not the repulsion one might get if seeing, say, Jack Black in the buff but just simply a "huh, wow, there's Ewan McGregor's lightsaber.  Hmm."  The casualness of it makes it almost more real and, to my mind, more titilating.  He is proud of his cock, as well he should be, and he is content to just lay in bed and smoke all day.  Fine by me, except for the smoking part, I'm allergic.  Maybe we could eat cadbury eggs instead.

In Adam, Resurrected, Jeff Goldblum opens the film, literally, with a shot of his buttocks as peered through the keyhole.  Pushing sixty, Goldblum has a nicer bum than I've seen on some guys my age.  It's firm, it's round, it's well lifted.  No cellulite, no wrinkles, no evidence of sagging.  Really, quite lovely, artistic even.  He stays clothed for the rest of the film, but please, don't let that stop you.  And let's not forget that Jeff bares it all, from a side shot, in both The Fly and my favorite, Earth Girls Are Easy.

So enough with the joke nudity, and enough with ugly guys baring it all to prove that they can.  We get it, Seth Rogan, you don't care what you look like.  Well, frankly, we don't either.


  1. I like the interactiveness of this post. I click on the picture of Ewan McGregor and he enlarges.

  2. LOL to the previous comment!
    What about Jeff Goldblum in The Fly?? That whole first half of the movie pre-Brundlefly was pretty titilating...plenty of shots of his derrierre and a bit more, yum!