|Pictured: Katy Perry in Concert|
Am I the only person on Earth who thinks Katy Perry sounds like a braying ass when she "sings"? (I use the term loosely) I tend to avoid autotuned pop garbage, but when you're sitting in a Waffle House in Tennessee (State Motto: "Welcome to Hell! Now Starring Elvis!") and "Firework" comes on, well, the victim cannot be blamed for the assault. You can just hear the autotune straining to keep her screaming to a banshee minimum so as not to cause mass ear drum explosions.
I know a lot of stupid songs. A lot of them. But wow, this one takes the cake for utter and supreme awfulness. Not just because it's generic feel-good "you are so special and everybody loves you" garbage designed to make ugly, pimply-faced adolescents attain a sense of superiority they haven't earned and will never deserve, not because it's pre-Glee-a-fied for high school show choirs to sing at graduation (like they did at my sister Beth's graduation last month), but because it's actually factually wrong. A sample:
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July
Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
We can only hope the same holds true for Katy Perry . . . she's such a pathetic case, clearly a Lady GaGa knock-off without any of the charm, uniqueness or talent. Quite possibly, she's not even human. My friend Matthew is convinced she's just a sex doll with a bad voice box attached. She is, in essence, a firework--destined to burn out quickly and be forgotten like every other pop star. . . .but not quickly enough.